Excerpts from Chapter 1

Chapter 1: You Talk Funny, But I Love You

By Lee Elman & Robert Friedlander

Hi Guys… Welcome to the World of Chinglish

So, you met her. She’s smart, stunning, mysterious, and somehow makes the word “yes” sound like “yethhh.” You didn’t understand her the first time she said “You go shower now, I cook rice,” but something clicked deep in your soul. Maybe it was the warm dumplings. Maybe it was the way she corrected your chopstick form like a Shaolin master correcting a novice monk. Either way, congrats—you’ve just entered the world of Chinglish.

And you’re going to love it here.

For those new to the term, Chinglish is the playful, unpredictable, and often adorable linguistic offspring born when Chinese (or other Asian languages) and English collide. Think of it as the linguistic version of pineapple pizza—unexpected, maybe a little controversial, but absolutely delightful once you get used to it.

So… What Is Chinglish Really?

Chinglish is what happens when your Mandarin-speaking sweetheart tries to express herself in English—and vice versa. It’s the creative gap between high-context languages like Chinese, Japanese, or Korean and the explicit, grammar-obsessed English language.

You say, “Honey, you forgot the verb.”
She says, “No need verb. You understand, right?”

And you do. Eventually.

In many Asian languages, the context does most of the talking. Unlike English, which demands full grammatical sentences—subjects, verbs, objects, tenses, plurals, and articles—languages like Mandarin and Japanese are far more chill. They’re like, “Dude, why say so many word?”

Let’s break it down:

• Chinese is a tonal language with no verb tenses, no plurals (just context), and very few articles.
• Japanese allows entire conversations where the subject, verb, and even object can be implied.
• Korean leans heavily on honorifics and verb endings, but still skips unnecessary parts when the meaning is clear.

So when she says:

“We go mall. You bring card.”

She’s not being bossy. That’s just how the sentence is constructed when translated from Chinese.

One Word to Rule Them All (Water Edition)

In English, we love specificity. Water can be “a puddle,” “a stream,” “a river,” “a trickle,” “a gulp,” or “a splash.”

In Chinese?

It’s all just 水 (shuǐ).

So when your girlfriend sees a jacuzzi, a toilet flush, and a bottle of Evian and says, “All same… is water,” she’s technically not wrong. She’s being… efficient.

Words like:

• 火 (huǒ) = fire, heat, anger, passion.
• 气 (qì) = gas, air, energy, vibe.
• 心 (xīn) = heart, mind, feelings.

Imagine the chaos if English used one word for “car,” “train,” and “bicycle.” That’s how flexible and poetic Chinese can be—until it crashes into the rigid walls of English.

Grammar? Never Heard of Her.

Here’s a crash course in what you may hear (and what it really means):

No need to correct her. That sparkle in her eye says she’s perfectly happy with how she says it—and you are too. You just love when she adds an unexpected “the” or omits “a” entirely.

“You are the good man.”

You smile. You are the good man.

The Morning Shout: “HELLO!”

The first time she yells “GOOD MORNING!” at 6:37 AM while opening the blinds and vacuuming, you nearly fall out of bed.

You think she’s mad. She thinks she’s just being enthusiastic.

Rule #1 of Loving a First-Gen Asian Woman:
She’s not yelling. She’s just talking.

Volume is not aggression. It’s emphasis. It’s joy. Or possibly frustration at how dirty your stovetop is. (Why don’t you clean it properly?!)

How She Orders Food (and Wins Hearts)

Going to a restaurant together? Here’s how it plays out:

1. Waiter: “Hi, ready to order?”
2. Her: “This. No onion. No cheese. Extra beef. You know wok hei?”
3. You: quietly sipping water, impressed.

She customizes like a boss. She’s direct, bold, and will most likely flirt her way into a free dessert. You, meanwhile, are still trying to pronounce “pho” correctly.

Love in the Time of Linguistics

When she says “Me love you long time,” it’s not a cliché. Okay—sometimes it is, but more often, it’s a beautiful, honest, slightly awkward attempt at expressing emotion in a second (or third) language.

You’ve never felt more connected to someone whose sentence structure confuses you daily.

She says:

• “You buy ring, no?”
• “You miss me small small?”
• “Your hair today… like rice noodle.”

These are her love poems. Accept them. Frame them.

Cooking with Leftovers (and Love)

The Chinese kitchen is where the magic of Chinglish truly thrives.

“We make soup. Use pig ear. Still have from two week ago.”

Somehow, it smells great.

The philosophy? Nothing goes to waste. And this applies to language too. She doesn’t need fancy words—just the right ones. Efficiency meets affection.

• “Boil heart.” (Cow’s heart stew)
• “Chicken feet good for collagen.”
• “Leftover okra. Make rice with egg. Done.”

This is love language. Served hot.

What She Doesn’t Say, Says Everything

You ask:

“What are you thinking?”

She shrugs, smiles, walks away.

That’s your answer.

Asian languages and cultures often value non-verbal expression. You won’t always get a romantic sonnet. Sometimes, love is in a glance. Or in a quietly peeled orange she hands you without a word.

That orange means: “I see you. I care. I’m yours.”

A Word of Caution (But Not Really)

You might think, “Shouldn’t I teach her better English?”
No. Just… no.

Her English is already perfect—in its own quirky way.

• It’s raw.
• It’s authentic.
• It’s her.

And it’s probably better than your Mandarin, let’s be honest.

Final Word: You’re In This Now

Congratulations. You’re not just dating a woman.
You’re dating a language, a culture, a mystery wrapped in dumpling skin.

You will now:

• Eat things you can’t pronounce.
• Learn to infer entire conversations from eyebrow twitches.
• Hear phrases like “Your mama look tired. She eat pork knuckle?”

And you’ll love every minute of it.

Key Takeaways from Chapter 1

• Chinglish isn’t broken English—it’s creative communication.
• Omitting verbs and subjects is common in Asian languages and charming in daily life.
• High-context communication relies on situation, facial expression, and shared history.
• Your Asian girlfriend’s phrases are poetry in motion.
• Accept the pig ear. Appreciate the soup. Treasure the “You love me small small.”

So yeah… she talks funny.

But you love her.